Waiting

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July 16, 2012: Zometa Infusion

I’d be lying if I said I had looked forward to yesterday’s quarterly cancer check-in.

The day dawned with dread, heavy dread, born of a certain conviction that my blood test would confirm an increasing presence of PSA — and, therefore, evidence of cancer on the advance. My only jot of hope lay in how little my PSA might be up since April.

It was to be a long day, 11 hours’ worth, at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. The medical agenda also included a follow-up with the radiation oncologist, a bone scan for osteoporosis, and, at day’s end, an osteoporosis drug infusion. With my mind focused on the PSA test, though, I took my lunch break at a nearby Irish pub, perhaps a subconscious quest for some luck o’ the Irish.

At 4:20 p.m. the PSA news came in. I had been weighed, my height taken, my blood pressure read, and I was now in exam room number G4315 — waiting for the results of the PSA test from my blood drawn in the morning. Every cancer patient will tell you of the mind churn, the anxiety, that comes with the wait for test results, however long, however brief that wait. The imagination seeks out, even creates, the darkest of cubbies to deliver you. A fellow cancerian has suggested we edit our t-shirts from Cancer Sucks to Waiting Sucks. Despite lots of practice over the past five years, I’ve still not gotten very accomplished at waiting for test results.

But then, I’ve had enough tests come back with unwanted news that maybe, by now, finally, and at long last, I’ve merely become conditioned to dread test results: I’m down, just go ahead and kick me.

Now the results were finally mine: April’s PSA reading was 0.04, and Monday’s was 0.03.

And there, in exam room number G4315, we traded celebratory high-fives.

About Bill Curry

Stage 4 prostate cancer

25 Responses to “Waiting”

  1. What great news. You can’t tell me that your positive attitude didn’t have a lot to do with “kill that bugger cancer…..kill it continuously……kill it for everyone……You did it Bill!!!!!!!!! And with such aplomb. Wow! You are my hero or as the kids say You ROCK
    Congratulations with great admiration
    Boots

  2. Don and I just read this latest entry and were introduced to your blog. Of course we didn’t stop here, we continued to read all your posts. Don wants you to know it almost inspired him to do a push up this morning! You are a wonderful writer and an inspiration to all of us who know you through the gym. Congratulations on the good test results. We will hold onto hope that the trend continues downward. See you at the club…

  3. Yesssssssssssss!!! Good work Bill and keep it up!

  4. Les and Ann Mace Reply July 24, 2012 at 7:47 am

    Great news Bill !!! I am sure you are all thrilled at this wonderful news.

    Les and Ann

  5. Way to go Bill!! Have you ever considered writing suspense novels to support your Skyline habit?!

    We are so very happy for you on this fabulous news! Keep up the good work!

    Bob and Jo

  6. How great, Bill! You’ve made a lot of people happy with your news ;-)) Hope you & family are still celebrating.

  7. WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

  8. That is fantastic news, Bill! A big high five from the Cast/Franklin household. Hugs – Jen

  9. Great news!

  10. Wow Billy, ‘brought tears to my eyes!

  11. Geez, Bill. You don’t have to prove to us all. once again, what a great writer you are
    by giving us (or me, at least) a giant knot in both my stomach and my throat thinking that bad news was coming. But kudos to you – both for creating a great sense of foreboding and for giving us what we crave – a happy ending! Very, very happy to hear your good news – thanks for sharing.

  12. Great news Billy ! Cousin Dickie.

  13. Another brilliant entry, and one with a terrific ending!!! We’re very, very happy for you and your good news.

  14. Congrats, Bill!!! So many of us, unfortunately, can relate to all you describe, and “Fortunately” can also relate and share your good news. Keep fighting the fight!

  15. Glad to read the good news.

  16. I cannot describe the feeling of waiting for Psa results any better than you nor the dread that permeates during that wait. I also cannot begin to articulate the sheer joy of getting this news. I go through the same awfulness every time I get blood drawn!!! Makes you want to run in the streets shouting the good news at the top of your lungs!! I am so happy for/with you Bill. On to .00!!!

  17. That’s the best news I’ve heard in a long long time. I’ll continue to pray for a complete cure!

  18. So happy to hear this, Bill!

  19. Glad to hear the positive report.

  20. Great job!! Relax and enjoy.

  21. Good job of building suspense! Congratulations.

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